And then you look at the calendar and realize you’ve just declared this unshakable resolve less than 48 hours before New Year’s Eve.
“What’s 2 more days?” you ask yourself. “I mean really,” you rationalize, “how much more weight can I gain in 2 days? May as well just start the diet on the first.”
There! And with that settled, you order Mexican food and a couple margaritas (really, it’s still vacation, and who isn’t allowed to indulge during the holidays?!) and start making plans for New Year’s Eve.
Then NYE comes in a blur of reveling and merriment and too much wine/champagne/beer and you drunkenly shout “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!” with your best friends in the world at midnight and slosh your champagne and get confetti in your hair and hug everyone and stumble home and fall asleep (read: pass out) in a drunken stupor.
And you wake up in the new year, bleary-eyed and muzzy-headed and go straight for the coffee (with half &; half, because you need something to cut the acidity from your wasted intestines) and eggs with bacon, and maybe even a Bloody Mary with a friend (because there’s a period from 10 PM to 12:30 AM that you’re not entirely sure about that bears discussion, especially as you’ve discovered some guy’s number in your pocket but no recollection of how it got there – or the guy) and spend the rest of the day off lounging in your pajamas watching Law & Order re-runs and trying not to vomit.
This continues for a few days until you have a terrible day at work and when you get home one glass of wine turns into three, and you’re feeling too sluggish to make it to the gym. After that you have a happy hour, and then a late night at the office, and someone’s bridal shower, and a bad day, and another happy hour, day after day after day until it’s been 3 months since you’ve been to the gym and your resolve is all but gone as it’s not the “new year” anymore.
Fast forward 8 months and it’s those goddamn holidays again – the baked goods, the cocktails, the late nights and waaaaaay too much family time (which, inevitably, leads to more cocktails) and suddenly you’re reflecting on the past year and resolving to Make Next Year Different – again.
At the end of the day, isn’t that the best we can do?