Okay, so it makes good sense that I’m “re-starting” blogging on a Sunday, as that’s when I began blogging oh-so-long-ago. Tough to say what the major malfunction has been in my lack of inspiration for blog content (and/or simple motivation to sit down and actually do it), but I think probably a combination of simple frustrations and deeper-rooted internal issues. A few possibilities:
1. My goddamn laptop. Yes, this piece of modern technology is a source of irritation worthy of public cursing. You see, it was gifted to me (thanks, Mom!) for the simple reason that it did not have the internal wireless card necessary to make it functional for her business, which is now the exact same reason I find myself unwilling to spend dedicated time on the internet – because it has to be connected to the DSL cable, which is connected to the wall, which is too far from my plush chair to make relaxed, lazy blogging either comfortable or possible. Instead, I have to sit in my too-short chair at my desk that faces away from my 3rd Ave window, which means that not only am I unable to multitask (ie, watch TV and blog) but also that I’m uninspired to write because the view into my tiny kitchen just really doesn’t provide a lot of fodder for creative activity. I’m well aware that all of these things are simple fixes, but somehow I can’t “find the time” (read: motivation) to make a change.
2. My goddamn blog background. Yes, this is also a source of cuss-worthy frustration. Why? Well, I ask myself that question I every time I look at my own blog. Somehow, I can’t figure out how to make a great header (I really, really hate being limited to Verdana, Times New Roman and Courier fonts), and my blog colors never seem to come together, and I don’t really like the layout, and this is all depressing enough that I don’t even want to look at my own blog, much less imagine how others could or would want to spend time having to read it. (sigh) This is the creative perfectionist in me emerging, and I really, really don’t like her very much – she’s a pain in the ass that prevents things from getting done at all.
3. Creative drought. Call me Lake Mead, because creative inspiration seems to be drying up at an exponential rate, leaving only a history of better days behind. Interestingly, when I have to be “on” with other people, I seem to be able to paint a picture of hilarity in the things that happen to me in my life, and it’s all very funny in the moment and ultimately I’m able to see my situation in that same way, so why the crushing introspection when I’m alone? And why the inability to put that same face to face conversation onto “paper” in a similar vein? Perhaps it’s the immediate vocal and physical reaction of my live audience that spurs me to continue amusing them with candid and self-deprecating stories.
In any case, the blog is back, because damned if I’m going to let a wireless card (or lack thereof) and a couple of bad blog entries prevent me from doing what I actually love to do every day, which is talk about me – I mean, write.